Single moms, why is it so hard to find a good man?
It is the question most of us have asked at some point in our lives whether we are single moms, married moms, or moms with a partner. (Or at least I have asked that question.)
Even Bonnie Tyler starts her hit song, Holding Out for a Hero, with, “Where have all the good men gone?”
The question becomes, is it hard to find a good man, or is it hard to find the right man? Because single moms, you are amazing!
But first, what defines a good man?
How I define a good man and how other moms, whether a single mom or a mom with a partner define a good man might not bethe same.
In my quest to understand other moms’ perspectives on mom life, I am part of mom groups on social media.
Repeadedly, the one topic that presents itself is a “good man.”
Therefore, the topic seems to fall into 1 of 3 categories:
- Single moms, trying to find a good man
- Married or with a partner hence, wanting their partner to be a good man
- Praising their partner for being a good man (however, this seems to be the least common)
But, before we start searching for answers, we need to ask: “Are there good men?”
Do They Genuinely Exist?
Single moms, yes! The easy answer is yes. There are good men and to make it better, there are good single men too!
Hopefully, you feel a sense of relief that all efforts are not lost.
How do I know? I am married to a good man, but we are fortunate to have friends who are good men.
Good men do exist, but how do you know?
Are you wondering if you are a “good mom?” Take a listen! Chances are you are doing great!
What Is a Good Man?
Blessed and honored, I am married to the most remarkable man.
To name a few of his outstanding characteristics, as well as our friends mentioned above, they all are:
- Prioritize their families and wives (without question)
What Is NOT a good man?
Obviously, I have dated men in the past that were clearly not destined to be my life partner, and I am forever grateful. (Note, I was not a single mom.)
They were not bad, but the majority of them, not all, showed me disrespect repeatedly.
With that said, we all make mistakes because we are imperfect. The larger question becomes, do they see the error and work toward making it better. Not just with words but actively and consistently working to make it better.
Trying to define not a good man, he possibly does not possess the above characteristics.
However, no matter what, a good man is NEVER (and I do mean never) abusive. As a few examples, abuse includes but is not limited to:
If you or someone you love might be in an abusive situation, there is help. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship.
Why Is It So Hard to Find a Good Man?!
The original question: “Why is it so hard to find a good man?”
Psychology Today offers one perspective on why it can be challenging by providing indept insight.
However, this is just what I learned from my journey.
Many moons ago, the read the book He’s Just Not That Into You and it resulted in a self awakening. (Single moms, this is worth the investment!)
I finally realized that I was not treating myself with the self-respect I deserved. My lack of confidence or worthiness resulted in disrespect.
Whoever I was dating, I prioritized their happiness and wants over mine. So why would he make any effort?
When I changed my mindset, I started dating a better quality of “good guys.”
My point is without those learning experiences that I would never have married the most incredible person I have ever known.
But I Am Married…
So, you are not a single mom but questioning if you are married to a good man?
Only you can answer that question, but are you treated with the respect you deserve?
With his actions and words, does he place your children and you as the top priority?
One part I know I have sometimes missed but have you said something? Have you spoken openly about how you are feeling?
What that might mean is sitting and calmly having a conversation, sharing examples, and listening to each other. Of course that can be hard but not impossible.
If you feel like you need help to show what you do to help communicate your message, check out A Day In The Life Of A Stay-At-Home Mom, available on Amazon. It is a place to record your feelings at the start and end of the day and create a reverse to-do list of all you have accomplished in a single day. (Don’t worry, there are 2 pages allocated for each day.)
After listening to each other openly, here is the next part.
Reflecting on your own choices, you treat your partner with respect and place him and your children as the top priority?
Basically, do you do what you are expecting in return?
Sometimes, it is as simple as acknowledging him by saying thank you for everyday things that we might take for granted.
The Good Man and the Right Man
Without question, no one knows entirely what fully happens in a relationship except the 2 people involved. However, abuse is never acceptable.
Even with the best relationships, it takes work with mutual respect and appreciation.
We all deserve happiness, and it is possible to have a good man who is also the right ma
So, single moms, a good man is there but remember you are a great woman!